You Rang?
by SoulOfALioness
Summary: A 1AM story fueled by lack of sleep and herbal tea. Bulma is having a calm day out until she gets a phone call or three. ChiChi's in jail, Vegeta's moaning, Goku's oblivious and Bulma's losing her sanity.


AN: This is what happens when you leave me alone with a computer and a supply of herbal tea at one in the morning after a day of fruitlessly trying to write Videl Neko and wondering if I can sit and write a whole story without stopping ten million times.

Be afraid.

Be VERY afraid.

**You Rang?**

Bulma moved another unwanted shirt out of the way, humming lightly to herself as she flicked through the racks. Abandoning all hope for the store, she picked up the bright array of bags of items she had already purchased and moved towards the exit.

The blue haired heiress was happy. Her clients were taken care of, her pager was off and her secretary was under strict instructions that she was not to be disturbed on her day off by anything baring an unnatural explosion and/or death.

Even her family was giving her a breather today. Trunks was playing happily with Goten at the Son's, Vegeta was happily playing in his GR and both were under strict instructions that she was not to be disturbed on her day off by anything baring an unnatural explosion and/or death. And, despite the fact that the chances of these things happening was depressingly likely, all was calm right then and there so Bulma was at peace.

But the problem with calm is that it is very easily shattered.

Bulma was just entering another brightly-lit clothing store when the chirp of her cell phone's ring called out from her purse. So, it was with a light heart and an innocent mind that Bulma pulled the small blue item from the bag, flipped it open and practically sang into the receiver.

"Hello, Bulma here."

"Bulma?" The woman blinked confused blue eyes at the panicked female voice that came from the other end as she headed to the first of several racks lining the store.

"ChiChi?" Her hand grazed soft fabric.

"Thank Kami. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't pick up. I know I should really call Goku but I've only got one phone call and if he was outside he wouldn't hear the phone and I'd be stuck here and-"

"ChiChi, calm down. Take and deep breath… " Bulma listened for the sound of her friend's shaky inhalation. "Good. Now, what do you mean you should be calling Goku? And what was that about one phone call? Where are you?" She finished, pulling out a pair of stone washed jeans and holding them up to her legs, the phone balanced between her ear and her shoulder.

"Well," ChiChi's voice sounded in her ear as she replaced the denim trousers and moved further through the shop. "It's a long story but…" Another loud intake of air. "I'm kind of… in… _jail._" The last words were whispered but Bulma heard them clear enough.

"JAIL?" WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE IN…" Bulma yelled but, realising the amount of confused and angry looks the other people in the store were giving her, she dashed behind a rack of shirts and stared again, this time in a stressed whisper. "What do you _mean_ you're in _jail_! Chi, what's going on!"

"Well um… heh… funny story actually. I may have… sorta… put a guy into the hospital." Bulma fell anime style at this, though the move was faltered by the fact that she was already crouching down behind the racks.

"You did WHAT? Why! How!"

"Hey!" The younger woman's voice was defensive now. "It wasn't my fault! That creep deserved it and quite frankly my only regret is that some _jackass_ called the cops on me!" Bulma ran a hand through her hair. Today was starting to look less and less appealing. Taking a deep, soothing breath she put on her best 'I'm-calm-and-in-control' voice.

"ChiChi what-" Beep. Beep. Beep. "Look, could you just hold on a sec? Someone's on the other line." Not waiting for a reply, Bulma pressed the button on the keypad and hoped for better news.

"Hello?"

"Woman!"

"Oh for the love of Pete." Bulma mumbled, rolling her eyes and trying to stay calm. "I don't have time for this Vegeta. What ever it is I'm sure it can wait until I get-"

"Woman, that piece of crap broke again." The harsh alien cut in, blatantly ignoring Bulma's words and barging into his own little self involved rant. "How do expect me to train if that damn machine brakes down every half hour? And then you put me through the indignantly of using this outdated Chikyuu communications devise just because you didn't inform me of your whereabouts."

"Vegeta," The 'I'm-calm-and-in-control' voice was being pushed to it's limits now. "It is not my fault if you broke the GR again. Also, it's called a telephone and there is nothing wrong with it. And I told you where I am, I'm at the mall, remember? Now, please keep a lid on it for just one moment. I have an important call on the other line." Before the Saiyan Prince could reply, Bulma had pressed the connecting button. "Chi? You still there?"

"Yes, I'm still here." All of the nervousness for the beginning of their call was gone now and the woman sounded nothing but irritated. "It's not like I'm going to go anywhere." Bulma chose to ignore that last comment for the sake of her rationality.

"Ok, I need you to tell me everything that happened."

"Alright, well… I had to go to the supermarket to pick up some more rice for dinner but when I got to the checkout this really idiotic guy came and stood behind me and grabbed my butt. Well, one thing led to another and next thing I knew he was sailing through a pyramid of tinned pineapple and the checkout girl had hit the police button under her desk. And the rest kind of explains itself, you know?" Bulma rubbed her temples. She could feel a migraine coming on.

"Tell me your kidding." She moaned into the phone.

"Would if I could. Can you believe they want to charge me with _assault_? Jeez-" Beep. "What an-" Beep. "Overreaction."

"Chi, could you give me a minute? I've got another call."

"Sure, I've got all the time in the-" Press.

"What?"

"Hiya Bulma! How you doing?"

"Goku?" She frowned as her current irritation clashed with confusion. "Why are _you_ calling?"

"Oh, no reason really, just kinda bored." The blue haired beauty sweat dropped. She could practically hear his oblivious grin. "Hey, do you know where ChiChi is?"

"Yeah, Goku, but she's kind of in-"

"Oh good. 'Cause she left to go get rice three hours ago now and I'm getting real hungry." Bulma slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"You know what Goku? You hold on just on second, she's on the other line."

"Okie-dokie, Bulm-" Press.

"Ok, I'm back. It was just Goku."

"Kakkarot? What the hell important does that third class baka have to say?"

"Vegeta?" Bulma's head was really starting to throb now.

"How dare you put me on hold? Do you know who I am woman? I am the Prince of-" Growl. Press.

"Ok, who is this?"

"Oh, just little old me the fugitive. Don't worry and me, it's not as if I could go to **jail or anything**!"

"Sorry, Chi." Bulma ran a hand through her hair again. "I'm just getting a little stressed out, today seems to be going a tad down hill-"

"_Your_ day is going downhill! Hello! I'm in jail here! I've got a prison officer giving me the evil eye and some hooligan with a _flag_ tattooed on his _skull_ staring at my chest. _GET LOST YOU PERVERTED FREAK!"_ Bulma clenched her jaw together to stop herself from loosing her cool. If only her head would stop pounding for one second.

"Let's just calm down for a moment shall we? Look, I'll come down there and-"

"Calm down? CALM DOWN? I've been incarcerated! How am I supposed to be calm!"

"ChiChi," Bulma could feel her resolve breaking, a vein protruded from her forehead and she clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to keep herself from spontaneously combusting. "All I have to do is come down to the station and explain what happened and I'm sure they'll-"

"What if this goes to court! This could spoil chances of Gohan ever getting into a good college! Not to mention a good wife I mean-" Press.

"Hello, pizza express, how may I help you?"

"Erm… mom? Is that you? Are you feeling OK?"

"Oh, Trunks?" Bulma was feeling a tad light headed. "When did you call me?"

"Erm… I didn't. Goten's dad asked me to stay here and talk to you when you took him off hold. I think he went to chase a squirrel or something. Or was that Goten?"

"Trunks, do you think you could wait there a little longer please? Mummy has some important business to attend to on the other line."

"Sure, hey do you know where Goten's mom is with lunch? She's been gone a while and-" Press.

"Ok, who are you?" Bulma sighed, not even trying to remember who else she was supposed to be talking to.

"What do you mean who am I? You can not just piss off like that onna!"

"Ah, yes, Vegeta. The whiney one…"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? I mean it woman I will not be-" Press. Bulma winced before pressing the phone back to her ear, fearing what she would hear. This was really turning out to not be her day.

"-and then there's Goten to think about. He's gone seven years without a father and if I go to jail he'll be emotionally scarred for life and-"Press.

"…" Silence rained from the other end of the line.

"Hello? Trunks? Goku?" Bulma frowned.

"Hey Mrs Bulma!"

"Goten? Oh sure, why not."

"Huh?"

"Never mind dear. So, what can I do you for?"

"Erm… I dunno. Trunks just told me to hold this, so I am."

"Ok, well if that's all I better see to-"

"Hey, Mrs Bulma?"

"Yes Goten?"

"Where do babies come from? I asked Gohan and he just-"

"Argh!" Press.

"ONNA FOR FUCKS SAKE IF YOU DO THAT ONCE MORE I'LL BLAST YOUR GOD DAMMED-" Press.

"-so my family will be a fractured shell for all eternity-" CRASH!

Bulma breathed in and out deeply, staring with wild eyes at the small pile of gadgetry that was once her cell phone. All that was left from its assault on the wall before its owner. Her eye twitched.

Letting out a huge puff of air, Bulma pulled herself to her feet and patted herself down. Her eye twitched again. Then she picked up her bags and left the store, leaving in her wake a horde of startled customers and bewildered shop girls.

"I'm so glad I took today off." Twitch. Twitch.

_Fin

* * *

_

AN: What the hell?

I scare me


End file.
